We all hear cases of bullying often, in schools , colleges, on roads… but how much do we act upon it or try to make a difference. We say bullying someone is the worst one can do, it does impact a person psychologically, mentally, emotionally and even physically. It breaks the confidence of the person being bullied.

When you tease a person or look down upon him or make him feel awkward about some of his personality traits that not only develops an inferiority complex in that being but also portrays how short on esteem you are to stoop so low.

Bullying might be in fashion these days, so common especially in youngsters but it is a silent sickness. One that spreads, one that changes you.

There are people who trouble you or tease you everywhere, but do you know….. at times, without even realising YOU are your own biggest bully.

Yes, you heard me right. Unconsciously or subconsciously we sometimes bully ourselves the most. That creates a barrier in our minds, a negative mindset towards people, towards things and most of all towards ourselves.

Off late, i have been realising that how difficult it is for me to hear something nice about myself. How tough it is to just look at the mirror and appreciate myself without having a thought that this color doesn’t suit me or i am looking a bit too plump in this dress.

Before doing anything i first cross check myself that will i be able to do it and after finishing the job, there is still an uncertainty whether what i did was upto the mark or not. So, when I repeatedly remind myself of my shortcomings i am somewhere giving myself an affirmation and settling it deep down . I criticise myself more often and judge even more. So am i my biggest bully? Yes, definitely i am.

Can i do anything about it?

Most certainly i can.

It is not a one day job. I know i am chubby, but am i comfortable in my skin? If the answer is no, then can i do something about it? Yes i can and yes i am working towards it. But its not an easy process, so should i quit or start self depreciating myself. If i cant do either, then i need to have patience and slowly walk towards my goal, be it tough or uncomfortable.

I can remind myself about the results during the process and consciously make an effort to feel good about who i am….. to accept a compliment, to mend my ways, to walk on the road to improvement, to accept how and who i am and to fix a goal who i want to be.

I am literate still ignorant about many things. And what did i do about it? I told myself that i shall make mistakes because i did, in judging people, in taking decisions, being over dependent… and this happened because i thought i did not have the capability to do it. I demeaned my own self …. yes, i bullied my own self.

Today, i learnt something new, to work on an app….. maybe a small little thing which i thought i could never do, and just then i felt that why was i telling myself all this while that i can’t do it. And it felt good, real good to know that i crossed my self created boundary by an inch. My people who really know me, instill that faith in me, yet i dwindle myself.

Last few months taught me to be able to accept myself, to make changes where i can, to sincerely work on things i need to and to smile at myself if i have done something right. Most of all agree and accept that yes i can do something right. It is neither too easy or a one day process….. But it needs to start somewhere somehow someday!!

I am not perfect, but can i do something to work on my imperfections??? Yes, i can!!! And i shall start by stop bullying myself.

 

P.S- Confessing, because it will only start when i accept.

Photo by Marina Vitale on Unsplash